A Look Within

It's been some time since I last wrote. It's more when the mood strikes me, and even more when I'm

moved to such an extent that some of it must definitely go down somewhere. Here's another attempt at expressing things which I don't generally know how to convey.

But there's one thing I definitely learnt, and I don't apply it all the time, but still here it is nevertheless,
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why it is called the present"
                                    - Master Oogway (Kung Fu Panda)

When you look inside yourself, tell me what you see.
Is there someone smiling back at you? Is there a sense of accomplishment?
Or is there something lacking? Something still to be done?
Or is it just a jumble of thoughts that refuses to come undone?

I just see a vacuum, like a dark hole one might say.
It represents the few things that I’ve done,
And the million more still waiting in line.

It’s always been a bit of a gamble,
Choosing this career over that (or rather life choosing it for you),
Deciding how to still go after my desire.
The list of things to be done keeps mounting higher and higher.

So what is it that you see?
A choice of yours that’s supported by all?
Or fighting tooth and nail to get acceptance?
Or not giving a damn and doing what you want?

I see an ocean of opportunities,
Some I grabbed on to, some I let slip away.
But there are still some things that come to haunt me,
Every single night and day.

I see a life filled with happiness,
Being loved and cared for gives you a kind of energy,
A positivity to deal with anything,
A determination to give up nothing.

What do you come across?
A life spent being the ‘pampered one’ at home?
Or taking on responsibility from an age when you couldn’t even spell the word?
Or moving on your chosen path and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel?

I see some wonderful lessons learnt.
Some that’ll last me a lifetime.
And one of them’s to make the most of this day,
As that’s really what you have power over.

So tell me what you see?
It’s not so much about raking up past scars,
As it is about reminiscing fond memories,
And the feeling as the wind ruffles your hair,
With a gentle caress as if patting your head.
The ebb of the stream as it flows down the hills,
The rush of water still imparting that same oft repeated thought,
“Time is galloping ahead,
Learn not to gallop,
Instead just flow along,
Going where the wind takes you,
Living how your mind makes you,
And loving as your heart has shaped you…"

The past cannot affect you today, the future is beyond you, just the ripples you make today are what matter.

The Bucket List

First up, this is my first blog ever, so if I ramble a bit, just bear with me. Now let’s see, everything that we want should happen doesn’t actually happen. In fact most of it doesn’t happen. I wanted, in fact I still want to be a DJ, but that’ll have to wait. I’ve got my mba occupying most of my life and though it’s not a bad course and even the subjects are interesting, there’s still that tiny voice that says, what if you had taken the plunge? What if you had just followed your heart? Even if it meant disregarding some rational points of view, what if you had done what pleased you the most?

And the answer (though expected) comes, ‘stop living in the past mate’. That’s true I know, and I don’t regret any decision that I took because I’m talking here about being rational. These are 2 different things (at least for me), being rational and following your heart. That’s because these two may sometimes cross paths, but mostly what you want with all your heart often appears to be just out of reach.  So, are all those childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut, doctor etc, only dreams or can we really make something out of it? True we’re too young at that age to determine where our interest really lies, getting an education would help us understand ourselves better, blah blah blah. But isn’t our childhood also the time when we are least corrupted? That’s the time when we actually think with our heart; nowadays it’s just too mechanical. Anything which the heart says is often ruled out by the brain, deeming it as irrational, non-sensical or just plain impossible.

A bit of a psychological explanation is in order I think. We’ve got three parts to our brain\consciousness – Id, Ego, and Super Ego. Id represents our innermost desires, those deepest and truest of cravings. Super Ego refers to what is societally correct or what is expected of us as a part of the civilised society that we live in. Ego is the one which tries to strike a compromise between both Id and Super Ego so as to take a middle path and satisfy both. Now, in today’s life, isn’t one’s Super Ego a bit overactive? One is so concerned about doing the right thing that she\he thinks twice before voicing their thoughts, lest they be considered out-dated or narrow minded or just plain different. What makes us want to conform so much? It’s true that humans have a need to feel accepted, be it their friends, parents or even an acquaintance. But to feel this need to such a large extent that one changes one’s own views according to the situation so as not to appear an outcast is a bit extreme. Mind you, I’m speaking from my experience of observing people and none of this is directed towards any of you who’re reading this blog. God knows we’ve all had our fights to fight and our share of troubles which have made us do things we may not once have imagined ourselves capable of.

But speaking generically, we too may slowly kill our inner self, if we keep conforming to norms, following all the rules and towing every line there may be to tow. It’s good to be an outlaw for a change. In fact, if your thinking sets you apart from others perennially\permanently, then that may just be the best thing about you. It’s not merely high fliers or over achievers that an organisation or even the world at large may get attracted to. It’s invariably people who can actually see something beyond what is already given, who actually end up successful. And by successful I’m not referring to an ‘Oh My God’ pay package or the exalted position you may hold in the eyes of the world. I refer to the position you hold in your own eyes. Whether you’re a CEO or still struggling to get where you want to be; are you satisfied at the end of the day? That satisfaction is what’ll truly make one feel alive, so what if my bank balance doesn’t meet up to my neighbour’s, my index of happiness is way way ahead of his.

What I’m trying to communicate here is that we’re all born with a purpose. And while there’re always those mundane and routine tasks to do day in and day out, there’s also something special that we’re destined to do. It’s just about finding one’s calling, though it’s easier said than done. Always be sure that there is that one thing that gives you immense satisfaction and peace of mind and that you wouldn’t mind doing that work for the rest of your life. Find that one thing and life’s better than a bed of roses and all career choices are a cakewalk. But like I mentioned, it’s this finding out that’s difficult.

At this time, we may not be able to see ahead. What lies in store for us is still shrouded in the mist of future.  Maybe we’re not able to make complete sense of where we are and what we’re doing presently, but we’ve got to remember that it’s only in retrospect that we’ll be able to join all these varied events together and see how they led us to where we always wanted to be.

In the words of Steve Jobs (the speech he gave at Stanford), “Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.”

Now, music is one thing that’s second nature to me, and I aspire to become a DJ or maybe a street dancer someday. I think that I’ve found at least one of the things to add to my bucket list. Have you?